Failure – they say if you’ve not failed at least a zillion things, you’ve not truly lived.
I have – failed at many things, that is. But it doesn’t feel like I’ve lived a rich life.
Instead, it feels more like how miserable and pathetic my existence is. It feels as if no matter what you do and how much you try failure is the only outcome.
They also say failure is good because it means at least you tried something. But what if you’d rather not have tried at all. Or what if you’d rather have tried and succeeded at least in some part.
I’ve tried a few things in my life and my regrets aren’t about failing at them but instead why did I bother wasting time on that at all. And in most cases, it has been when I’ve gone against my gut instinct.
Among the list of failures that have impacted me greatly are failed relationships, failed attempts at becoming more thick-skinned, failure to see through the hypocrisy and manipulativeness of people.
Yes, you guessed it right. I am quite demotivated and disillusioned right now. Having failed at something yet again doesn’t bode well for someone who already has a pretty low sense of self-worth. And when someone says or does something that further damages it, it can be hurtful.
They say one shouldn’t express feelings when angry. But then what else would one do.
I am a writer. I only know how to use words to express my feelings. What I also am is sensitive and an otherwise, chirpy cheerful person. I am too much of an open book when it comes to letting people know what’s on my mind. Being too straightforward, sensitive, and clear-hearted aren’t virtues, they are weaknesses.
And so, I vent, pouring my innermost feelings on paper for the whole world to read and mock. And mock, they will. You know why? Because who makes a display of their failures like this? You’re giving them a chance to pull you down further. You deserve to be judged. You are their source of entertainment. You asked for it.
I’ve failed at hiding my mistakes, my weak spots, my failures. This post is evidence of how open and exposed I allow myself to be. Making a display of your innermost feelings? Tsk…Tsk. Letting people know how weak and needy you are? Blasphemous!
Who needs all that? The world only cares about the hero, the victory, the shining-glittery successes. Not the failures, not the muck that remains below the surface. Appearances matter.
Need proof? Just scroll through your Instagram or Facebook feed.
Isn’t everything all hunky-dory, and everyone having a gala time? Everyone is living a blissful existence. Does that make you feel even more alone, miserable, and left out? Good, because that’s what you are – forever miserable, whining, complaining, and basically (all over again!) being a failure at everything.
And this time, this failure has changed me. It has left me broken, in tears, and nursing my wounds all over again. It’s a pretty dark place where I am right now.
Maybe I should let go. Maybe I shouldn’t take things to heart so. Maybe I should learn to be less me. But then again, so far, I fail. I weep in solitude, nurse my broken heart, reflect on my failures, and finally, comfort myself. I am my own friend, philosopher and guide. I become my own source of reassurance, source of motivation, and source of renewed hope.
I fail, and the darkness envelopes me all around. Until the sunrise. Until I decide to let this failure be another learning lesson. Because failure is the only constant.
It has left me grateful to have experienced that failure. Because now I know what not to do. Because now I see myself in a new light, and I try to rise again. The failure gives me the strength to tackle something new.
Tomorrow the sun shall rise again. Tomorrow the darkness will dissipate. I shall lick my wounds in private, and get ready to take on the world again, get ready to fail again.
For you know what? The path to success is ridden with failures. And I shall encounter them and conquer them. Tomorrow. Yet again!
What about you? What failures have left you broken and alone? How did you overcome them? Share your thoughts and feelings, without fear of judgment and mockery, using the comment box below.
Written as a part of #ChatterPrompts